I couldn't say that i am a good son. My mother is living with me for more than ten years, in my house. There were times that misunderstanding occurs. I am guilty of that. Others might say that i am a bad son because, I'm taking over my mother. I am disrespecting her, being the youngest son, at times, or several times, we are arguing over things, to the point of me saying harsh words to her. I knew its wrong, but deep inside, i love my mother that's why I am like that to her.
I never liked my mother smoking, maybe this is the reason why i never tried smoking because i hate her when she smokes. I lived my life witnessing my mothers addiction. Being a chemist, i knew how bad smoking is. I knew what it brings, and i knew how it will end. But every time I'm telling my mother to quit smoking are those times that i felt I'm not a good son because i am disrespecting her. We are angry to each other to the point of me saying that i couldn't take living with her anymore. I like her to quit smoking, it is a must and not obeying me simply means she doesn't love me, that's my thinking.
But as time passes by, Ive seen that my mothers addiction can never be solved by me. It is her who can. and so i gave up. I'm afraid that one day will come that we will be facing my worst nightmare, my mother will eventually die of lung cancer. It was expected, I'm anticipating it. Its her end...and hopefully not so soon.
Last saturday she was on her normal check up. When she got home, shes so quiet, sad and nervous. I asked her, she said she had a problem. She had a big lump on her left lung. I just closed my eyes. The day has come.
Others might not understand me on why I'm being so harsh to my mother. It is because of this day, i don't want this day, but the moment i gave up on her, i knew this day will come and I'm so prepared for this.
Shes scheduled for a CT Scan guided biopsy on saturday, a week after the discovery. I have to be strong for her. I pray that this is not worst than i expected it to be....If only she knew how to listen.