Thursday, July 7, 2011

Parable of a not so Good Son

I couldn't say that i am a good son. My mother is living with me for more than ten years, in my house. There were times that misunderstanding occurs. I am guilty of that. Others might say that i am a bad son because, I'm taking over my mother. I am disrespecting her, being the youngest son, at times, or several times, we are arguing over things, to the point of me saying harsh words to her. I knew its wrong, but deep inside, i love my mother that's why I am like that to her.

I never liked my mother smoking, maybe this is the reason why i never tried smoking because i hate her when she smokes. I lived my life witnessing my mothers addiction. Being a chemist, i knew how bad smoking is. I knew what it brings, and i knew how it will end. But every time I'm telling my mother to quit smoking are those times that i felt I'm not a good son because i am disrespecting her. We are angry to each other to the point of me saying that i couldn't take living with her anymore. I like her to quit smoking, it is a must and not obeying me simply means she doesn't love me, that's my thinking.

But as time passes by, Ive seen that my mothers addiction can never be solved by me. It is her who can. and so i gave up. I'm afraid that one day will come that we will be facing my worst nightmare, my mother will eventually die of lung cancer. It was expected, I'm anticipating it. Its her end...and hopefully not so soon.

Last saturday she was on her normal check up. When she got home, shes so quiet, sad and nervous. I asked her, she said she had a problem. She had a big lump on her left lung. I just closed my eyes. The day has come.

Others might not understand me on why I'm being so harsh to my mother. It is because of this day, i don't want this day, but the moment i gave up on her, i knew this day will come and I'm so prepared for this.

Shes scheduled for a CT Scan guided biopsy on saturday, a week after the discovery. I have to be strong for her. I pray that this is not worst than i expected it to be....If only she knew how to listen.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Carlo and his Best Friend

Roy is Carlos best friend for years. In fact, hes the one i talked to when Carlo and I almost break up. It was the start of our relationship. I never knew Carlo that much and one thing that i have to do to know him is through his  best friend. It was an awesome conversation. i gained Roy's trust, that i love his friend and i have the best intention for his friend.

This afternoon, Roy visited Carlo. Since I'm off at 3pm and Carlo finished his class early so we decided to meet for a snack. I decided to let Roy joined us for a bonding session.

Its so nice that i can share our relationship with him. In fact, he said that Carlo is so lucky to have someone taking care of him. Roy is such a sweet guy and i became close to him. In fact he is calling me dhadie because he is not close to his biological father.

It was a fine afternoon for pizza and pasta. I enjoy the food and i enjoyed the company too.

I hope we could still share so many afternoons together...

And He came...

I only saw Carlo in facebook. He was a cute not so ordinary looking boy who i cant help but to visit his profile everytime. I can say, something struck me, hitted me big time. I want to be close to him but i dont know how. I ended up requesting him to add me as friend. And he did.

Im one step closer to him. Everytime i will see him online, i will say hi and hell be saying hello. Ill greet him good day and hell say the same. But it ends there. Just a few words. Nothing else.

Until i asked his number which he eventually gave. Two steps closer!. He said he was not into texting that i found myself texting him everyday without expecting any replies from him. Sometimes he will reply but only in few words. It goes like that for almost three months.

Until one afternoon when i dont have anything to do. I texted him on what he is doing. He said none and asked me if i wanted to see him in person. And i did.

He was not like what i was expecting. Hes so tall, taller than me, more mature on his age. I couldnt believe that hes more beautiful in person, beautiful as i can say. He got a nice eyes, red lips and great nose. Hes so handsome that i just couldnt ask if hes a pinoy. He said his father is a lebanese. And that explain it all.

It was February 3, 2011 when we first met. I can say we were a hit.

It was February 5, 2011 when he said he wanted to be with me. He was my next after longing for more than two years.

Weve been together till now. It was not an easy adjustment. Ive been wanting to let go for so many times. But he keeps on insisting for us to be together. To work that out.

Ive been loving him for so long. He said he loved me too, that he cannot and wont let me go. There are so many trials, challenges and misunderstandings but we managed to survive them. Were fixing things.

I dont know how long will this last, but as long as he loves me, as long as i feel that hes taking care of me and wanting me to be on his side, i will be here...

I love you Mr Carlo Tuquib...thank you for loving me. Im so blessed having you...youre all that ive been searching for.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

To Start....

Its been so many weeks that something is inviting me to write again on blogs. Maybe because i needed someone to talk to, to describe how and what im feeling, or simply means, just to express my emotions creatively. There are many reasons hanging on my mind, but one thing is for sure, i missed blogging.

I have one blog, but im dedicating it to one of my most loved talent, interior designing. Its actually for my house and some travels...adventures, nothing so personal.

At times, when im so happy, im looking for someone whom i can shared my happiness with, but most of the time, im just talking to myself because no one seems to cared, or no one seems to be there. Sometimes, im just to afraid of the rejection because my life is not what i can call a normal one.

But, i love my life. And im learning a lot from this. This is me. This is my life, this is who i am, this is what ive become. Others might now want me for what i am now, other might not want me at all. I just want them to know the real me...and take me as I am.